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Redneck Logic - Long...but good!
This old redneck got it into his head one day that he wanted to get him some edumacation. So he went down to the local community college, walked into the admissions office and said, "I'd like to sign up for me some courses. I aim to get an edumacation."
The director of admissions smiled helpfully, and said, "Well sir, what type of courses are you interested in?", to which the redneck replied, "Well, what'cha got?"
The director looked through his catalouge and said, "Well, would you like to take an English class?"
"Nope, ain't never had nothin' for those hippies over in London."
The admissions director tried again. "Okay, how about a biology course?"
"Nope. I been birthin' cows and horses and pigs for twenty years now. Can't no professor teach me no more about biology."
The director tried one more time, "Well, how about a logic course?"
"Logic, what's that?" replied the redneck.
"Well, I'll give you an example," said the director, "Do you own a lawnmower?"
"Yes," replied the redneck.
"Well, because you own a lawnmower, I'm going to use logic to figure out that you probably have a yard." The redneck nodded.
"Alright, because you have a yard, I'm going to logically deduce that you have a house or mobile home." The redneck nodded.
"And," continued the director, "because you have a house or mobile home, I'm going to figure out logically that you probably have a kid or two that you need room for." The redneck nodded again.
"Well, since you have kids, I'm going to logically deduce that you probably have a girlfriend or a wife." The redneck slowly nodded.
"And lastly," the director said with a flourish, "because you have a girlfriend or wife, I'm going to logically deduce that you are a heterosexual." The director sat back in his chair satisfactorily as the redneck sat stunned. Slowly, he began to grin.
"Hey," the redneck said, "I like that there logic. Sign me up for one of them classes!!"
Later that evening, the redneck was sitting around drinking beer with a couple of his buddies. "Guess what boys," he said, "I'm going to get me some edumacation. I done signed up for one of them logic courses up there at the community college."
"Logic? What's logic?" replied one of his friends.
"Tell you what," said the redneck, "I'll show you. Do you own a lawnmower?"
"Naw," replied the friend.
"HOMO!!!!!"
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